In recent years, self-growth has become a cultural ideal; from journaling prompts on Instagram to podcasts about morning routines, there’s an ongoing message that every setback must be a setup for transformation. Even in therapy spaces, it can feel like we’re always supposed to do something with every feeling: process it, reframe it, learn from it.

But there’s a quiet truth that often goes unspoken: not every moment in your life is meant to be a lesson. Some days are simply meant to be lived.

Wellness culture glorifies productivity, even in healing. Dr. Devon Price, author of Laziness Does Not Exist, argues that our self-worth is frequently tied to how useful or insightful we are, even when we’re resting. This creates a subtle pressure to turn every emotional state into a moment of growth or clarity.

But research suggests that constantly striving to analyze or optimize our emotions may actually create more distress. In a 2018 study published in Emotion, researchers found that people who chronically attempt to regulate their emotions through cognitive strategies like reappraisal (i.e., trying to find meaning or a silver lining) can experience greater emotional fatigue when they don’t allow space for emotional neutrality.¹

Simply put: always trying to find a takeaway can be emotionally draining.

The Role of the Nervous System

Our emotional states aren’t just mental, they’re physiological. The nervous system is constantly scanning the environment, interpreting signals, and adjusting our internal state accordingly. When we’re in a state of rest or emotional neutrality, it may seem like nothing is happening, but from a physiological perspective, that’s not true

In fact, quiet moments are when the parasympathetic nervous system, often called the “rest and digest” system, has a chance to do its job. This system supports recovery, digestion, immune function, and mental restoration. In fact, neuroscientific research has shown that periods of low stimulation are essential for emotional integration and cognitive health.¹

When we constantly seek stimulation, even in the name of healing, we may inadvertently keep our body in a mild state of alertness. Neutral days, the ones that feel unremarkable or even a little flat, may actually be when our body is doing the most important work: rebalancing.

So when you catch yourself wondering if you’re doing enough, try asking instead: What might my nervous system need right now?

Why Neutral Is Emotionally Healthy

Neutrality doesn’t mean emotional numbness. In fact, emotional neutrality, a state where we’re not overwhelmed by highs or lows, has been shown to support long-term resilience. According to research in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people who cultivate an ability to tolerate neutral or “boring” experiences tend to experience greater overall well-being.³

Why? Because peace doesn’t always come from emotional insight. Sometimes it comes from emotional relief, from allowing ourselves to just be, without needing to explain or improve.

When Reflection Becomes Overthinking

Therapists often differentiate between reflection and rumination. Reflection is a healthy process of thinking through experiences with curiosity. Rumination, on the other hand, involves circling the same thoughts repeatedly, often with judgment.

A 2010 meta-analysis found that excessive introspection, particularly rumination about one’s emotional state, was correlated with increased symptoms of depression and anxiety.⁴ When we feel low or tired, asking “What’s wrong with me?” over and over doesn’t create insight – it creates shame.

How to Make Space for Emotionally Neutral Days

Here are a few evidence-based practices that support emotional regulation without forcing reflection:

• Label your state without interpreting it.
  Instead of “Why am I like this?” try “Today feels flat.”
  Naming your emotional state without attaching judgement can reduce amygdala activity (the brain’s alarm system).
  
• Practice interception.
  This means checking in with physical sensations (hunger, warmth, tightness in the chest) instead of cognitive thoughts. It helps ground you in the present, which reduces the impulse to “fix” how you feel.
  
• Create space for non-purposeful rest.
  That means rest that’s not for productivity, insight, or performance. Think: lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling. No playlists. No mantras. Just stillness.
  
• Do less. Observe more.
  In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), this is called “self-as-context”: the idea that you can notice your thoughts and feelings without needing to change them.
  

In a society that rewards constant growth and healing, neutrality can feel like failure. But in clinical practice and in lived experience it’s often a sign that the nervous system is beginning to stabilize.

If you’re having a day where you don’t have an insight, don’t feel productive, didn’t heal anything, didn’t write in your journal: congratulations, you’re living a human life.

References

1. Troy, A. S., Shallcross, A. J., & Mauss, I. B. (2018). A Person-by-Situation Approach to Emotion Regulation: Cognitive Reappraisal Can Either Help or Hurt, Depending on the Context. Emotion, 18(4), 424–432.
   
2. Quoidbach, J., Mikolajczak, M., & Gross, J. J. (2015). Positive interventions: An emotion regulation perspective. Psychological Bulletin, 141(3), 655–693.
   
3. Nolen-Hoeksema, S., Wisco, B. E., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). Rethinking Rumination. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 3(5), 400–424.
   
4. Lieberman, M. D., et al. (2007). Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421–428.