Everywhere you look, there’s a scoreboard you never agreed to play on. It doesn’t hang in a stadium or glow above a field; instead, it lives in your Instagram feed, your office, and your LinkedIn notifications. Promotions, vacations, ‘milestones’, each one silently logged as a point for someone else, and a reminder that you’re somehow “behind.” The truth is, this scoreboard isn’t real. But the damage it does to your mental health is.

Old Instinct, New Trap

Comparison isn’t inherently ‘good’ or ‘bad’; it is just one of the many ways in which evolution wired us for survival, like community-building or opposable thumbs; if your neighbor hunted faster, you paid attention. And so, in a way, to compare is simply to observe, learn, and become a more effective version of oneself. However, today, that instinct may be hijacked and weaponized by algorithms and narratives of ‘staying ahead’; what was once about belonging and learning has morphed into an exhausting marathon of score-keeping, where the finish line is imaginary and the prize is illusory.

What has changed is the story we tell about growth. The modern narrative insists that you must always be achieving, always optimizing, always chasing the next upgrade. Comparison, under those conditions, stops being a guide and becomes a whip. What was once a survival skill has been twisted into a constant source of exhaustion.

Defenders of social media will argue that seeing others succeed pushes us to aim higher. The truth is, comparison does not fuel ambition; it corrodes self-worth. Research has shown that upward comparison, which is measuring yourself against those you perceive as “better”, consistently worsens mood and lowers self-esteem. And yet, we cling to the idea that we need these constant reminders to stay motivated.

We don’t. Motivation thrives on purpose, not pressure.

Ditching the Scoreboard

So what’s the alternative? Recognize that someone else’s milestone says nothing about your timeline. It sounds simple, but in a culture that profits off of your vulnerabilities, it is no less than an act of rebellion. 

Start with your inputs: if certain feeds or people consistently trigger the feeling that you’re behind, curate them out. Muting or unfollowing isn’t petty; it’s self-preservation.

Catch the spiral in real time. When you hear that inner voice whisper “You should be further along,” name it for what it is: it’s you comparing your life with someone’s highlight reel. Simply calling it out can stop the slide.

Then, flip the lens. If you envy someone’s success, ask yourself what value or quality you’re admiring. Chances are, it’s something you can begin cultivating in your own way!

Anchor yourself in the small wins. One note of gratitude for something you did today, however ordinary, trains your brain to measure progress by your own steps, not someone else’s milestones.

And finally, build in pauses. A weekly break from the platforms that fuel self-doubt can reset your perspective. Use that time for something nourishing: reading, walking, or talking to someone who reminds you that the scoreboard isn’t real.